I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My room smells like vodka and shame
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
