a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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