Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
