I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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