booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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