ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
