i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I supernannyed him into submission
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
