I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
