He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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