I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
her facebook's as public as her vagina
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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