barbara walters just said penis...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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