Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
