Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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