After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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