you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
