i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
