i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
