So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
