Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
