Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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