if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
