the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
