i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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