Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
