I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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