dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
