apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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