good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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