i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
