dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
