Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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