I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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