I don't think brook has ever known best
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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