The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
