she told me i tasted like america
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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