Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
