I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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