wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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