And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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