Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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