Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
