I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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