Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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