Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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