A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
