debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize