I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
