I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
