i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
