WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
