So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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