Yo dont text me then not text me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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