I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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