Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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