it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
