dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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