i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
