Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
