SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
