I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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