She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
