I wish I only lived at night.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
