I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
