i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
