How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
