I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
