Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
