rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
